A Lesson in Motherhood: Learning to Say “I Love You”

A small argument with my daughter recently made me stop and reflect on how we communicate with each other.

It was one of those afternoons. She was in a mood, pushing boundaries, and after days of bottling things up, I finally snapped. Frustrated and on the edge, I raised my voice. She looked at me, eyes wide and unsure, and asked softly, “Do you not love me anymore?”

I was still too upset to offer comfort. All I could manage was, “I do not want to talk right now. I cannot answer that.” Later, after I had calmed down, I tried to shift the blame. “I think you do not love me,” I told her. “Otherwise, why would you keep making me so mad?”

She did not respond. But a little while later, I noticed her quietly picking up all the clutter on the sofa and carrying it back to her room. Then she turned to me and asked, “Does tidying up count as doing chores?”

And just like that, my heart melted.

In her own quiet way, she was reaching out. That was her way of apologizing, of reconnecting, of saying she cared. It hit me hard. She understood that emotions needed a response, and she offered one.

Growing up in Taiwan, I rarely heard the words “I love you” from my parents. That is just how it was. Love was something you showed, not something you said. A home-cooked meal, a new winter jacket, or making sure we never ran out of our favorite snacks, these were their ways of expressing love. And I got used to that. I never expected the words.

But times are changing. With more influence from Western culture, Taiwanese parents are slowly learning to say the things they once only showed. Parenting books, movies, and social media keep reminding us that children need clear emotional affirmation. They need to hear that they are loved. And those three words can be the most powerful way to give them that security.

My daughter is growing up in that new world. When she asked if I did not love her anymore, it was not because she truly doubted me. She just needed to hear it out loud. She is already learning to express her feelings with words, but I am still relying on actions. In that moment, caught between my lingering frustration and a lifetime of unspoken affection, I could not give her the answer she needed.

Watching her clean up the living room in silence made me realize how differently we express love. She is learning to reach out with words. I am still holding back, hoping actions will be enough.

So maybe this is what I need to learn now, as a mother. Not just how to keep my cool, but how to speak love out loud. To find a balance between what I do and what I say. Because no matter how upset I get, no matter how many times we clash, she needs to know, clearly and without question, that my love for her never changes.

 

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