A Lesson in Motherhood: Learning to Say “I Love You”
A small argument with my daughter recently made me stop and reflect on how we communicate with each other.
It was one of those afternoons. She
was in a mood, pushing boundaries, and after days of bottling things up, I
finally snapped. Frustrated and on the edge, I raised my voice. She looked at
me, eyes wide and unsure, and asked softly, “Do you not love me anymore?”
I was still too upset to offer
comfort. All I could manage was, “I do not want to talk right now. I cannot
answer that.” Later, after I had calmed down, I tried to shift the blame. “I
think you do not love me,” I told her. “Otherwise, why would you keep making me
so mad?”
She did not respond. But a little
while later, I noticed her quietly picking up all the clutter on the sofa and
carrying it back to her room. Then she turned to me and asked, “Does tidying up
count as doing chores?”
And just like that, my heart melted.
In her own quiet way, she was
reaching out. That was her way of apologizing, of reconnecting, of saying she
cared. It hit me hard. She understood that emotions needed a response, and she
offered one.
Growing up in Taiwan, I rarely heard the words “I love you” from my parents. That is just how it was. Love was something you showed, not something you said. A home-cooked meal, a new winter jacket, or making sure we never ran out of our favorite snacks, these were their ways of expressing love. And I got used to that. I never expected the words.
But times are changing. With more
influence from Western culture, Taiwanese parents are slowly learning to say
the things they once only showed. Parenting books, movies, and social media
keep reminding us that children need clear emotional affirmation. They need to
hear that they are loved. And those three words can be the most powerful way to
give them that security.
My daughter is growing up in that
new world. When she asked if I did not love her anymore, it was not because she
truly doubted me. She just needed to hear it out loud. She is already learning
to express her feelings with words, but I am still relying on actions. In that
moment, caught between my lingering frustration and a lifetime of unspoken
affection, I could not give her the answer she needed.
Watching her clean up the living
room in silence made me realize how differently we express love. She is
learning to reach out with words. I am still holding back, hoping actions will
be enough.
So maybe this is what I need to
learn now, as a mother. Not just how to keep my cool, but how to speak love out
loud. To find a balance between what I do and what I say. Because no matter how
upset I get, no matter how many times we clash, she needs to know, clearly and
without question, that my love for her never changes.
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